Synchro-Blog/Bridging The Gap: Being Gay, Religious, Young, and NOT Christian
I come into this conversation with what I consider a somewhat unique perspective. I am a gay woman, age 24, and have been out nearly 10 years. During that time I thought I might be bisexual, then I thought I was a complete "dyke," but one thing that never wavered was my undying love - romantically, sexually, or otherwise - for women around me.
I'm a Jewish woman too. I wear a kippah (skullcap) everyday. Women can wear them too, if they choose, and it is particularly prevalent in Reconstructionist congregations (incidentally the first Jewish "flavor" to fully accept queers). I wouldn't call myself observant in the classical sense, but I would say that I'm religious. I feel as though I pray daily, though I don't "keep track" - and being a female while wearing a skullcap comes with the responsibility of being able to teach others around you about your faith. Teaching, learning, praying - these are the things that make me Jewish. The congregation I grew up in, a very liberal Reform congregation, was one of the first (and for a while, only) ones to marry same-sex couples and interfaith couples. Never did I feel my sexuality would be threatened there.
I was not raised in a conservative household. My mother never balked at the brazen questions my brother and I asked her concerning sex and sexuality. "Knowledge is power," and "honesty is the best policy" were the values directly instilled in us by her. She is an educator, passionate about empowering children, and she brought that attitude home from work to the dinner table. And from my father, we learned to "stick to it" and "work hard to get where you want to be." Most importantly, both of them taught me to always be true to myself and be aware of what makes me feel comfortable or uncomfortable.
I don't think I came from a particularly "liberal" family - in the sense that, my parents weren't Nudists and didn't toke doobies at big parties they threw - My parents ARE liberal, and my father is somewhat "granola," but both of them are farely reserved in personality. Dad is quite shy, and neither of them, though children who came of age in the 1970's, really dove into counter-culture. Neither were radically active in any sort of politics, although my mother gave (and still gives) her support, time, and money to causes and people she believes in.
I grew up on the Main Line, in the Western suburbs just outside of Philadelphia, PA. I split my time between Havertown and Bryn Mawr (my parents divorced when I was 10 but moved within 3 miles of eachother). Although suburbs tend to be more conservative, and Havertown had its fare share of conservative dominance, my generation - "Generation Y/Millenials" - was generally liberal when it came to social issues.
All of these factors combined made for a rather uneventful "coming out" experience. I was 15, in my sophomore year, and it was the darndest thing, I kept falling in love with other female members of the high school band! Now, naturally, I didn't say who specifically - but the environment fostered at Haverford Sr. High School made it "okay" for people to talk about their sexual confusion, identification, and acceptance. The Gay-Straight Alliance was established, to some minor controversy, the year before, my freshman year, at the end of the school year. Suddenly, everyone was talking about their sexuality. I was friends with people instrumental in bringing about the GSA, and being exposed to them made me feel less "unsure" about myself. I mean, my whole life I'd been this weird kid no one wanted anything to do with, and my sexuality seemed to make me even weirder - except that I found out it didn't, and other girls were going through the same thing. When I told my parents I liked girls, they didn't blink an eye. In fact, my father shared a funny childhood anecdote to better relate to me - coming out became a "father-daughter moment" rather than a dreaded event that so many others describe. And I never did dread it. I was dealing with ENOUGH as a teenager; I didn't need to make a big deal out of my sexuality to boot. And I was very shy and reserved myself; I wasn't the type to go out to parties and "hook up" to test if my premonition was real: I knew I liked girls "that way," pure and simple. There was no confusion that I liked girls; the confusion was whether or not I still liked boys! So by the time I hit art school (a breeding ground for the sexually confused to clear up their confusion with experimentation) I didn't feel like I needed to go wild "testing" whether I was gay. I was. I am.
In my case, gap-bridging needs to occur in many areas. First of all, the conservative culture that dominates the anti-gay side is mostly Christian - mostly Christian of the type of Christianity that will tell me, with a sad smile, about how my ancestors who died in the Holocaust are now also burning in Hell for not "accepting Yeshua HaMashiach." Even gays who are earnest Christians will tell me this to my face. But part of me is glad for this. It proves that being attracted to a human being - no matter what gender that human being has, and it might not be ANY gender or BOTH genders - does not at all need to affect one's political stance, personality, or religiousness.
The second gap that needs bridging has to do with Jews who are anti-gay. Generally, Jews - especially American Jews - tend to be left-leaning when it comes to social matters. We're used to being marginalized; we seek to help others who are marginalized and persecuted. But there are those Jews who are very conservative, even to the point of being racist. And those Jews generally do not consider me to be "Jewish" at all. I constantly struggle with the question of whether I'm "Jewish enough." I believe that I'm quite Jewish - but part of being proud of being Jewish comes with the comradery felt with fellow Jews, a comradery that can't be felt if the others don't consider you a part of their group. AND, how can I try to have a dialog with "fellow Jews" about gays if they don't even consider me to be one of those "fellow Jews?" I have a feeling Christians might feel that way too about other certain Christians.
Overall, I'm convinced that my generation - the Millenials - will have completely accepted queer relationships and a more flexible gender continuum by the time I am my parents' age. We just don't care as much as our elders do about that stuff. And since we are coming out - being true to ourselves - at the same age as our heterosexual counter parts - our exposure to others of different sexualities or gender identities is far greater than anyone of the previous generations. We're not threatened by it because we see that it is not a threat.
Ultimately I hope that queerness can be de-politicized so that it can be a "live and let live" issue among human beings, rather than a call to battle in a "culture war." And I have a feeling that it will be.
Labels: controversy, culture, homosexuality, Judaism, Politics, religion
posted by Emily K @ 4:57 PM
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